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So let’s not get caught up in pretense and formalities and just dive right in.

I’ve missed this space. I say it every time I come back and visit, but gosh it feels good to hang out here every so often, particularly when my world is swirling around me. Upheaval and panic and doubt ensue, but here I can wrangle my thoughts and force them to assemble upon the page in some semblance of order.

And let me tell you, there is some serious wrangling in order.

Yeah. So.

I was laid off yesterday.

I want to say that again. It still doesn’t sound real. Or applicable – I mean, 26 year old women don’t get laid off. I understand, perhaps, the 45 year old man. That makes sense to me. I’ve seen it in the movies.

But surely not…me?

Except, yes, me. And so I was laid off yesterday.

How do enthusiastic, reliable, successful, and nice young women get laid off, though? I mean, how does that jive with my paradigm of my career? How do I wrap my brain around the fact that my job was literally just taken away from me, like a rug ripped out from under my feet? My life, once a series of questions marks and blind corners, has firmed up into something very predictable, very comfortable, and very good. I can’t understand why this must change in 6 weeks.

Except I should have seen this coming. I should have been better prepared.

We all knew that our biggest client wouldn’t be around forever. That if they left, a lot of good people would have to, too. Well, yesterday, the client left. And 15 people at my company of 40-something were let go. We were told as a group, given our packets, and left with some number of weeks of paid time to figure something else out. We were not fired, we were not failing at our jobs, and we were not at fault. My CEO cried as he delivered the news.

Denver’s agency market is suddenly flooded with good talent, in case the world is watching.

I have until May 31st to figure something else out, so gosh golly I’m getting right to it. My resume is straightened up and my big girl panties are on. I already have multiple leads to consider and a coffee date or two scheduled. I know that I can do this, because I did it once before. And now, unlike the last job hunt, my skill set is tangible and demonstrable, my digital knowledge is robust, and my confidence is unshakeable. I truly believe there is nothing I can’t do (besides maybe really hard math ๐Ÿ™‚ ), and I’m eager to learn from this experience and move upwards and onwards.

Wednesday, May 1st will go down as the day I finished with whatever scraps of naivete I still cherished. My dedication to a job, to a boss, to a team, may never quite be the same. My outdated resume may never again lie untended. My loyalty may never again stand without wavering. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It’s important to be able to see the positive in a job – the friendships, the growth opportunities, the great work/life balance – but it’s equally important to discard the rose colored glasses and assess the situation for what it really is. I saw the writing on the wall. I knew I was headed for the chopping block if the worst case scenario manifested. And yet for some reason I’m still sitting here staring at a computer screen for about the 12th hour today, polishing up a resume that hasn’t been updated in over a year.

I will miss my friends when I depart officially. I will miss the processes that I had mastered and found easy. I will miss the comfort of the known.

But I am eager to embark on whatever comes next and make this gravely adult experience beneficial and worthwhile. I relish this next chapter. It’s long overdue!!!

xoxo, Pamela