The Day I Became an Adult

02 Thursday May 2013

Tags

adult experiences, balance, big life changes, life, work

So let’s not get caught up in pretense and formalities and just dive right in.

I’ve missed this space. I say it every time I come back and visit, but gosh it feels good to hang out here every so often, particularly when my world is swirling around me. Upheaval and panic and doubt ensue, but here I can wrangle my thoughts and force them to assemble upon the page in some semblance of order.

And let me tell you, there is some serious wrangling in order.

Yeah. So.

I was laid off yesterday.

I want to say that again. It still doesn’t sound real. Or applicable – I mean, 26 year old women don’t get laid off. I understand, perhaps, the 45 year old man. That makes sense to me. I’ve seen it in the movies.

But surely not…me?

Except, yes, me. And so I was laid off yesterday.

How do enthusiastic, reliable, successful, and nice young women get laid off, though? I mean, how does that jive with my paradigm of my career? How do I wrap my brain around the fact that my job was literally just taken away from me, like a rug ripped out from under my feet? My life, once a series of questions marks and blind corners, has firmed up into something very predictable, very comfortable, and very good. I can’t understand why this must change in 6 weeks.

Except I should have seen this coming. I should have been better prepared.

We all knew that our biggest client wouldn’t be around forever. That if they left, a lot of good people would have to, too. Well, yesterday, the client left. And 15 people at my company of 40-something were let go. We were told as a group, given our packets, and left with some number of weeks of paid time to figure something else out. We were not fired, we were not failing at our jobs, and we were not at fault. My CEO cried as he delivered the news.

Denver’s agency market is suddenly flooded with good talent, in case the world is watching.

I have until May 31st to figure something else out, so gosh golly I’m getting right to it. My resume is straightened up and my big girl panties are on. I already have multiple leads to consider and a coffee date or two scheduled. I know that I can do this, because I did it once before. And now, unlike the last job hunt, my skill set is tangible and demonstrable, my digital knowledge is robust, and my confidence is unshakeable. I truly believe there is nothing I can’t do (besides maybe really hard math ), and I’m eager to learn from this experience and move upwards and onwards.

Wednesday, May 1st will go down as the day I finished with whatever scraps of naivete I still cherished. My dedication to a job, to a boss, to a team, may never quite be the same. My outdated resume may never again lie untended. My loyalty may never again stand without wavering. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It’s important to be able to see the positive in a job – the friendships, the growth opportunities, the great work/life balance – but it’s equally important to discard the rose colored glasses and assess the situation for what it really is. I saw the writing on the wall. I knew I was headed for the chopping block if the worst case scenario manifested. And yet for some reason I’m still sitting here staring at a computer screen for about the 12th hour today, polishing up a resume that hasn’t been updated in over a year.

I will miss my friends when I depart officially. I will miss the processes that I had mastered and found easy. I will miss the comfort of the known.

But I am eager to embark on whatever comes next and make this gravely adult experience beneficial and worthwhile. I relish this next chapter. It’s long overdue!!!

xoxo, Pamela

Cheers!

The Call of the Wild

27 Wednesday Feb 2013

Posted by Pamela in Girl Gone West

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Denver, mountains, skiing, snow

It’s been a good winter.

I’m lucky enough to have the funds, friends, and fervor to keep a really hectic ski lifestyle going on in this city. Basically, my weekends are ski adventures punctuating what is a fairly predictable and manageable workload the other 5 days of the week. While that all blurs together, my weekends are vivid highlights that I’m eager to document and remember.

Since January, I’ve skied almost every weekend (every weekend?) at practically every mountain in the state of Colorado.

Thus far this season I’ve tackled: A Basin, Breckenridge, Beaver Creek, Copper, Keystone, Steamboat, Winter Park, Vail and Telluride. I’m stoked to ski Monarch this weekend – that’s a totally off-the-beaten-path mountain that I’ve heard is spectacular.

No matter what has happened in a given week, how I’m feeling the day of the trip, what the weather is like, or how much snow has fallen, nothing makes me happier than strapping into my boots first thing in the morning and hopping a chair lift to the top of a gorgeous mountain.

Nothing can compare to the feel of that first run of the day. I’ve been hungover, grumpy, cold, annoyed, uncomfortable, and sore, and it all suddenly disappears when you take the first big deep breath of mountain air. Suddenly, the only thing that matters is feeling the rush of the wind past your cheeks on a fun, challenging, and exhilarating run down a bright white hill.

The best part of this season has no doubt been how quickly I’ve advanced in this game. I joke that while I don’t have much skill, I have lots of heart. I want to be out on the mountain every weekend getting better and better. I want to take a tough run down some bumpy trees. I want to listen to feedback on my form, my skill, my speed. While it’s not surprising that I’m striving every day to get better, it is surprising how much passion this sport has sparked for me.

I always say yes. I’m always down for another run, for a tough patch of trees, for an out-of-bounds hike. Just this past weekend I borrowed bigger, fatter, longer skis than what I’m used to and challenged myself in some deep powder with some advanced buddies. No, I can’t quite keep up. No, I’m not nearly as fast as they are. No, I can’t actually stop in the powder. Details! What matters is that I’m out in the wild as my visceral, physical self without a care in the world.

The settings are gorgeous. The landscape is alien. The air is dry. And when I’m floating over a patch of powder dodging between a clump of trees with good friends flanking me the whole way down, life is good. There is nothing quite like being a tiny, happy human on a giant beautiful mountain to put everything right in the world.

This is what Colorado is all about.

Keeping Up

04 Monday Feb 2013

Posted by Pamela in Girl Gone West

≈ Leave a Comment

Tags

Denver, food, new friends, photos, skiing

I’ve never been a particularly good diary keeper, which I think has translated poorly to the maintenance of this blog. When I was cooking and obsessively reading food blogs and living a life conducive to photographing my food, documenting my accomplishments on this blog was an easy thing to do.

But now I live like a nomad, sleeping in this hotel or this couch or this mountain home virtually every weekend, skiing till I’m too exhausted to function on Mondays, then moving too quickly through the week to get it all in order before guests fly in, cars drive away from the city, and the crazed weekend begins again.

A perfect bluebird day.

I’m not going to lie, my life is pretty awesome right now. Things are charmed, there’s no other way to put it. I live somewhere where I can pack up my gear and friends and energy and head for the hills for a 48 hour vacation every single week, and it is amazing. Beyond that, I also just really really really enjoy skiing.

Ali shredding some moguly trees!

This past weekend, my cousin Hannah and my gal Ali (yay yay yay for cool new girlfriends yay!) drove up to Winter Park, a brand new mountain to all of us. The best part is they had just received like 23 inches of new snow, so not only was the terrain incredible, the conditions were perfect! Blue skies, powder to my shins, close family, and great friends – there is nothing better.

Yay skiing with cool girls! Boo on looking short and stumpy… I swear we’re all tall!

So I’m essentially nothing but a weekend warrior ski bum these days, which means I’ve fallen to my poor diary-keeping habits from the past – writing only when I’m emotional and still enough to jot something down. Which is, to say, infrequently.

But rest assured that I still love to cook. And EAT. So while I actually do prepare many of my meals (breakfast always, lunch rarely, dinner sometimes), my food has become increasingly less photogenic as my culinary time has become limited and efficient.

Minestrone soup with mirepoix, zucchini, cannellini beans, ditalini pasta, crushed tomatoes and parm.

See what I mean? This is a deliciously tasty, super easy, incredibly healthy, and SERIOUSLY UGLY dinner that is exclusively the type of meal I’ve been making for several months now. One pot meals are where it’s at! Lots of vegetables, leftovers for days, and quick and easy to boot!

Ravioli with zucchini and onions in a sun-dried tomato yogurt sauce.

No matter how hard I tried to make that look appetizing, I’m pretty sure I failed spectacularly. Oh well, I guess I’m really not trying to impress anyone, and this is nothing if not an honest blog. And honestly this stuff tastes great – if only everyone could try some!

Perhaps one day I’ll slow back down and have the time to cook, photograph, and write again in an meaningful way. Perhaps not. In the meantime, I’m enjoying my momentary brushes with prosaic creativity through whatever avenue brings me here.

Solitude

28 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by Pamela in Girl Gone West

≈ Leave a Comment

Tags

Denver, existentialism, life, musings, winter

Memphis on New Years

So, sad day. I have no photos from the past weekend because my phone memory was totally full with music. This is very fixable, but required me actually sitting down and fixing it…and I never got around to it, so a very fun, jam-packed and exhausting weekend went undocumented. Actually, two weekends went by with no photos. (And boys, who make up majority of my social groups, really don’t take pictures.) Which is fine. Why do I need all these photos, anyway? They’re fun but are essentially just adding to the digital clutter being amassed by my generation.

I do, however, use my photos as a way to ground and guide my blog posts, which are otherwise meandering and pointless.

So while these weekends were great fun (a lovely 4 day adventure in Steamboat Springs with lots of company and skiing and a 3 day visit from Nashville friends who just wanted to ski and dance), I don’t feel super compelled to write about them in detail. These weekends, which comprise the majority of my 48 hours of freedom, are generally full of alcohol and skiing and dancing and dining out and cramming as much as I can into my two days off, without a lot of time spent alone being reflective or personally productive.

I had a conversation with my good friend Pat today about solo time and its role in our lives. He made the point that he is really focused on his career right now (he’s in med school), so being alone and introspective gives him the mental space to think about all the decisions he’s making, day in and day out, regarding the rest of his life.

Wow.

In contrast, I don’t have a lot of major decisions or goals fueling my everyday existence. Should I ski Saturday or Sunday? Should I spent my limited funds on a trip to Tahoe or Snowball in March? Where should I eat for lunch? Do I want to see RJD2 on Friday?

There’s no reason I should be complaining about this – and I’m not. I’m totally down to enjoy being young, unencumbered and liquid. I think it’s partly Colorado’s laid back influence and partly my own choices, but I’ve situated myself somewhere where I’m fairly happy and rather content. I’ve got more then enough, too much even, going on, and the whirlwind is satisfying and enjoyable and absorbing. It’s hard to slow down once you’ve sped up.

And it’s what I’ve always wanted! This lifestyle, one of privilege and opportunity and extraversion, is what I came to Denver seeking. Well, I honestly don’t know what I came to Denver seeking but I definitely wasn’t this busy or committed or popular when I lived in Nashville. I think Denver has filled something inside me I always knew was missing in Nashville.

But then I hear wise friends tell me how important solitude is to their mental health. I see people doing amazing things with their personal time. I see determination beating all the odds. And I can’t help but wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Am I favoring a life of easy decisions, of contentment, of shallow endeavors instead of truly challenging myself to be the best possible version of Pamela?

And this begs the question – what is that? I’m generally happy right now – isn’t that the ultimate goal?

Unfortunately, it’s hard to find “fun” a worthwhile endeavor when many are helping others, educating themselves professionally, or seeking career success. I feel underwhelmed by my innate lack of drive, lack of passion, lack of focus. I yearn for whatever it is that motivates people to work so hard for a tangible goal that they can concretely achieve.

I guess I’m just feeling disappointed with the fact that I feel like the exemplary boring rich white girl, when I take so much pride in somehow being different from them all. I want to be something necessary, something unique, something notable, and instead I’m just floating through life from one fun thing to the other. Again – I don’t know if that’s a bad thing.

But is it the right thing?

Still figuring that out.

Till then, xoxo Pamela

New Year’s Resolutions

15 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by Pamela in Girl Gone West

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Denver, musings, Nashville, new year, resolutions

Oh my it’s been a while. Every time I’ve had a deep thought over the past several weeks, I’ve planned to put it on the blog with depth and emotion and insight, only to hurtle quickly into the next thing without every setting foot in this space. It’s tragic. My Catholic upbringing makes me feel so guilty for not following through with my intentions, but really, I don’t mind visiting this space only infrequently. My life is very full and honestly, my computer and internet are slow, so this takes a lot of time I don’t often have. Also I’m good at making excuses.

Somehow since I last blogged, it became 2013. Sadly, as the clock struck midnight I was on the floor of a bar picking up glass from a champagne flute I carelessly knocked from a girl’s hands, kicking off the year in a way I hope is not reflective of the next 12 months. Oops.

Actually, the holiday at home was exceptionally pleasant. It gave me a much needed break from the hustle and bustle in Denver while reminding me of the special and incredible people I have in my life down South. I am blessed to have friends from my various pasts all over Nashville, a network that has taken years and years to build. I have to remember that sentiment as I struggle sometimes to find my niche in this new city. In contrast, visiting Nashville also reminded me how much I love this new town that has become my home, so utterly and so thoroughly, and I enjoyed the time to breathe and reflect on all of these realizations.

The past year has been nothing if not formative, challenging, and blissful. I am by turns passionately in love with the people around me, the work I do, the talents I posesss, and the love I feel; and hopelessly sad, lonely, unsatisfied, and doubtful by others. I am not the same girl I was a year ago, and while I’m grateful for the growth 2012 inspired, I wonder if the Pamela I want to be is the person I’m cultivating day by day.

2013 is a year of big things. I will no longer be on my mother’s health insurance (26 here I come!). I will be closer to 30 than 20. I won’t be “new” to Denver. My mother will be rehabbing from surgery and my brother is planning to graduate. Life is speeding up in ways unimaginable, and I will probably spend the year trying to slow it down. I have plans virtually every weekend until March, and on into May and even October. This year will be over before I know it. So I hope I have something to show for it on the other side.

Yes, there are resolutions. Well, resolution, singular. Make mental health a priority. This is broad. Good, because it gives me options. Bad, because it lacks focus. It encompasses a huge number of actions I could take, and I hope I do, but this also means I might favor easier choices than harder ones. Thus, I’ve made a list to hold myself accountable.

I’m getting real honest up in here. Bear with me.

1) Find a therapist. An unbiased, reasonable figure who has no choice but to listen to me and possibly offer advice sounds like the best thing ever. I’m prioritizing this for February, when my new health insurance kicks in.

2) Cut back on substances. I’ve decided that I like me more when I’m living in an unaltered state, just existing and not forcing the issue. Not only is it healthier and cheaper, I feel like a better girlfriend, employee, and individual when my head is clear. Plus, waking up without a hangover on a Sunday is AWESOME. I definitely want to enjoy myself, but not at the expense of well, myself.

3) Keep doing yoga. I’m usually good about going to my free Thursday night class, but as of Jan 1 it’s been moved to Fridays. Sooooo bummed out. Thus, I need to find a new class and make sure I’m actually going. I’ll be good for a few weeks, but then I fall off the bandwagon for a while and basically have to start all over with my practice. Yoga is my meditation, exercise, and me-time all in one. So necessary!

4) Be intentionally creative. I want to learn to paint, I want to pick my violin back up, I want to read more, I want to write more, and I want to cook more. Instead of just wanting and wishing and hoping, I need to intentionally DO. Being talented or recognized or successful isn’t the point. Doing is the point.

5) Value good memories in the midst of bad. I let any negative thing that happens to me gain more power than it should and eat all of the pleasure out of the rest of my life. I struggle to recognize this as it’s happening, but with practice, intention and that therapist from #1, I’m hopeful I can remember all that is amazing, wonderful, exceptional, and good in the face of bad.

Shoo! This is a big list!

So, here goes nothing. This is truly a year-long resolution, because actually executing on everything will take a lot of effort, a lot of determination, and a lot of focus on the final goal. But I’m okay with that. For the first time in my life, I’m okay with the fact that my big hopes and dreams are actually pretty small. I don’t want to be famous. I don’t want to be the CEO of anything. I don’t want to go to grad school. I don’t want to be filthy rich or amazingly beautiful or married with children (yet).

I just want to be mentally healthy. Right now, that’s everything. And that’s enough.

To 2013! Best of luck in your own New Year’s resolutions.

xoxo, Pamela

Getting Caught Up

17 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by Pamela in Girl Gone West

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

breakfast, Denver, food, holidays, musings, new year, plants, resolutions, skiing

As all of you know if you’ve been following along for a while or have spent any time with me in person, I’m an emotional bundle. Since the day I was born, I’ve been a dramatic individual with tendencies towards one extreme or another. I speak in hyperbole, I emote deeply, I get excited and disappointed very easily, and I have trouble seeing the bad when I’m happy – or the good when I’m sad.

I feel like a walking melodrama.

Peace and sunsets.

So sometimes on this blog, you get peppy upbeat me and sometimes you get depressive me, but no matter what you get super emotional me. This space turned a long time ago from a food blog to a Denver blog, and recently to an online diary that I tend to about as well as I tend to my plants. But no matter what, this is a space that gives me joy, pride, and a personal corner of the internet to treasure whenever I choose to visit.

Speaking of plants!

So today I want to get all emotional about something random. Look at my new plant!

So interesting and unique!

This new guy is called an Indian rope plant, or a Krinkle Kurl, which I cannot possibly bear to call such a lovely thing. It is very clearly my lack of a pet or hobby or sanity how much I’m love with this new guy, but I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten mushy gushy to strangers about this plant since I got it last week. My relationship to my plants has become pretty serious, except when I forget to water them for a week. One day, I really want to have an apartment full of plants – they keep your oxygen fresh, they make a room feel so cozy, and they are such good decoration! One day, I may also have an apartment full of cats, and that’s when you should really be concerned.

Other things I’ve been stoked on recently? SKIING.

Sunday Funday with some new friends.

I’ve skied 7 days this season (so far!), and although I could easily be skiing every day if my schedule and lifestyle permitted, I’m pretty durned pleased with how often I’ve been able to get out. Almost every weekend since Arapahoe Basin opened! Each day I’ve felt more confident than the trip before, to the point where even my boyfriend (a badass snowboarder) commented on how much better I’ve become since last season. I feel better, which is the most important part of a sport where confidence and courage are half the battle. We’ll see what happens when the backsides of the mountain open up, though! I may end up being far less skilled that I imagine when push comes to shove. It’s finally snowing here, so I’m hopeful when I return from my extended Christmas vacation I can put my ski legs to the challenge!

Changing my life!

Other new things that have been rocking my world outside of greenery and white stuff (erm…) include this amazing butcher block table I found on Craigslist a few weeks ago. I have little to no counter space in my new apartment and had been working on the charming but low vintage ceramic table that came with my kitchen. It made cooking less than enjoyable, honestly. Adding all this usable workspace to my routine has revolutionized my cooking in the past month. I’ve been photographing food again!

Hot oats in a jar with fresh strawberries.

Despite the fact that I never blog about food anymore, I still do cook many of my meals. At the very least, I make a legitimate breakfast every morning, including concoctions like the one above. Whipped banana oatmeal (courtesty of Kath) dumped hot into an emptyish almond butter jar and topped with fresh strawberries is a recent rave, along with my most favorite of breakfasts, fancy pancakes.

Sauteed apples with protein pancakes and

Cinnamon pears with pecans and eggy pancakes.

I need to make more time for pancakes! So good! This past weekend I made sweet potato pancakes that were really stinkin’ ugly but super deslish and filling. I have been on a potato kick recently that started when I made Jenna’s potato chowder and probably ended when I overdosed on my friend Andrew’s gutbomb amazingness of a tartiflette, which I thoroughly enjoyed despite my suspected lactose intolerance.

I roasted chiles for this and everything!

So anyway, earlier tonight, I had a really lovely dinner with a dear friend who is about to have a baby, and being around her was infectious. She is positive and upbeat and excited about the coming changes in her life, and it felt very nice to be around someone so pleasant and peaceful and grateful. Her new baby will be brand new at the beginning of 2013, which seems like a lovely date to mark the huge shift her life is about to take. I’m a big fan of new years, with new chapters and resolutions and celebrations to be had (my big 26 is coming up and woah that’s practically adulthood), and I’m ready to embark on 2013 and see what’s next for me, too. I’ve felt stagnant, I think, and something about January 1 gets me all revved up to tackle whatever is next.

I’m ready for it.

Bring it on, Denver.

If I don’t visit this space again before the holidays – I hope everyone has a lovely time. See you on the other side!

xoxo, Pamela

Straight Talk

25 Sunday Nov 2012

Posted by Pamela in Girl Gone West

≈ Leave a Comment

Tags

dancing, Denver, holdays, musings, skiing

Is it crazy to anyone else how much time it takes tending to digital life? For example, I started this post about an hour or so ago, and then got distracted unsubscribing from dozens of random emails, deleting old “Notes” from my iPhone, and clearing about a million old text messages out of my history. Poof, an hour of my life lost to various screens and iDevices that was spent exclusively cleaning up the virtual clutter I’ve created over the past year.

I hope this actually does something. Unlike cleaning a bathroom, which is gratifyingly immediate to appreciate, I may never see anything come of the past hour’s efforts.

So, I guess it’s back to this blog post.

Happy belated Thanksgiving, friends. I hope you’re all finished with your leftovers at this point. I think I’ve had 4 full Thanksgiving dinners since Thursday, and I’m a little over it, to be honest. I’m back to craving Vietnemese pho, which my coworkers will tell you is pretty exclusively what I crave during the week. And weekends. And new to the lineup: for breakfast.

No but seriously, I think Soup is my favorite food. Turkey, really, isn’t. In fact, I’d venture to say that turkey is my least favorite meat. I would always choose something else instead of turkey. Like ham, our family’s traditional Christmas staple. I’m excited for Christmas this year! For the holiday season, I’ll be taking my first long vacation since…forever. 11 days of blissful vacation at home. Watch out Nashville!

It will be tough to leave my boyfriend for so long, I’ll be honest. I see him literally every day, so 11 days apart will be weird. He’s definitely my best friend out here, and although I’m trying desperately to make some other (female) bffs, they’ve been difficult to come by. I feel a little whiney when I say this, because I know close friends, like any relationship, take time, but I’ve really been wishing for a partner-in-crime for all of my random adventures. Don’t get my wrong, I’m a lucky girl to have so many close friends in my life. They just live in New York City or Nashville or somewhere not Denver. Which can sometimes be a bummer for this Denver chick.

Anyway, enough rambling. Also, let’s look on the bright side.

Matt & Kim at the Ogden. So much fun!

Despite the negativity, I truly am thankful for how amazing my life is out here in this wonderful city. I know that my lows are balanced and even surpassed by incredible highs, and I try to remember that when things don’t go my way. I have to pinch myself during all of my moments of deep happiness that things are truly real, because I couldn’t have written the story of my life better than I’m currently leading it. Riding a chairlift, skiing down white trails, dancing to music in the heart of a crowd, holding hands in the car with my boyfriend – these are moments I want to remember when a storm of negative feelings moves through me.

Gramatik at the Fillmore! Really good show.

So I’m making an effort to enjoy those good feelings, and not dwell on the bad. There is much to be thankful for.

OH – and LET IT SNOW.

What up y’all?

07 Wednesday Nov 2012

Posted by Pamela in Girl Gone West

≈ Leave a Comment

Tags

dancing, Denver, election, mountains, music, Nashville, obama, shows

First things first.

Obama. Boom.

Congrats, Mr. President.

[Image Source]

How is everyone doing? Regardless of how you felt about the results, I think we can all sigh a breath of relief that election season is (temporarily) over. Did you know the total cost of this presidential campaign was over $6 billion? What if that money had been spent on, I dunno, elementary education? Or cancer research? As much as I enjoy the drama of the political build up, the money spent this year was frustratingly astronomical.

I cannot comprehend $6 billion dollars.

Interestingly, my sister company was one of the online video servers dealing directly with political pre-roll ads. They serve the :30 second commercials slotted before the ESPN highlights video you actually want to watch. And my friends were drowning the last few months dealing with all the political ads. I suppose someone has to see a portion of that $6 billion in profits, right?

Anyway, in other news, it’s officially ski season.

Nothing better than the chairlift.

There’s not much more than manufactured snow on the mountains yet, but gosh golly several resorts are open already. Breck is opening up this weekend – and I’m planning to head up Saturday morning for my 3rd day of the season already! Woo hoo! Have I mentioned how much I love my Epic Pass? Access to 5 different mountains near Denver coupled with access to 3 different mountains in Tahoe makes me a happy camper. And I definitely am planning a trip to Tahoe to make the most of it! In the meantime, I’ll enjoy my ability to ski a fun day on the mountain with friends and sunny skies and make it home in time for dinner and a show that evening.

Boom.

Speaking of shows, that picture above is actually from a few weekends back, when I traveled home to Nashville to support the burgeoning EDM scene in the one and only Music City.

Over Halloween weekend, Pretty Lights and Skrillex played along the riverfront for a two-day festival called With Your Friends. They are two of my current favorite artists, and after seeing both at Red Rocks this summer, I knew the event would be worth it.

Skrillex. Note the fire.

The weekend was truly awesome. Both DJs are brilliant at their craft, the city turned out in incredible support, and I was luckily enough to attend with several friends, new and old.

With friends indeed.

It was also a treat to be home in my childhood bedroom with my family cat and my super comfy bed. Oh, and my mom.

I don’t know when Nashville became my “vacation” and Denver become my home, but I felt with utter certainty that I was coming HOME when I finally landed (bumpily) back in DIA. The mountains were a sweetly familiar sight.

It was a pleasant surprise.

BOOM.

Aaaand that’s all she wrote folks. Till next time. xoxo

Five Plus Things

15 Monday Oct 2012

Posted by Pamela in Girl Gone West

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

blog award, Colorado, fam, musings, ski, work

Howdy y’all!

I don’t have anything (that) deep to say tonight, but I have a lot to touch on, so let’s get to it.

First of all, I want to give a little shout out to my…great grand-nephew? My aunt’s grandaughter’s son? Not sure. Anyhoo, baby Blake was born on Wednesday, and he deserves a quick word because he is a little fighter! After 5 days in the hospital with lung complications, he is finally getting better enough to eat and be held. I can’t stop thinking about him staying strong and getting healthy so I can meet him at Christmas. I have a lot of new little cousins to hold come Christmas!!!

Baby Blake

Second, I want to mention that my darling dearest best friend Tori gave me a blog award kind of a long time ago, and I never got around to thanking her.

The Sunshine Award

The award is meant for someone who brings, well, sunshine into your life. I was so flattered! Tori has been one of my best friends for years, and for good reason. She is brilliant, compassionate, inspirational, gorgeous, funny and honest, and catching up on our regular phone conversations is a highlight of my life. I’m so grateful for her friendship and fun things like blog awards.

In honor of the award questions I’m supposed to answer and won’t because I’m lazy, here’s a list of things that are my mind tonight.

1) Ecstatic Dance

Playing ambient music for meditation.

Yesterday I attended an event called Zensation, where, after a few short performances, we were called to the dance floor to meditate through our bodies to some killer beats from a hippie DJ at 3 o’clock in the afternoon. I was seriously inspired by the kickass hula hooper, and donned feathered arm bands with my friend to groove to the tunes for a few hours. Feathered arms bands are such a workout! I mean, in case you were curious.

Yes, it was very granola. It felt extremely “Colorado.” And I kind of loved it.

2) Pinterest

This day was coming. I have begun to Pinterest. Like Facebook, Pinterest is now a verb. I pinterest. Let’s pinterest that. She spent hours pinteresting on Monday.

Ugh. Follow me…I suppose?

3) Today at work, I had a dual realization. I was bouncing creative advertising concepts off my boss, and while they both showed thought and promise, ultimately they were scrapped for her two better ideas. It was simultaneously enlightening and disheartening. Enlightening because it was a learning experience, and I grow so much from each of these sessions with my very talented superiors. I am grateful for these opportunities. It was disheartening, though, because it hammered home the fact that I still have so much growing to do in this industry, and I’m not going to learn it over night. And it makes me feel so average! I just want to be a whizbang at everything I do, and instead I’m faced with daily challenges that remind me how amateur I really am.

And I just want to be awesome.

4) On a much lighter note, I realized today that ski season starts in 3 weeks. My excitement knows no bounds. And let’s be real, I’m just SO STOKED to wear my new ski jacket!!!!

Sooooo girly and steezy!

New things make me happy.

5) Last but not least, I finally did a grown-up thing and got some photos framed.

Old paintings + old frames = new art!

After carting around these two pretty paintings of women-flowers through 4 cities and 5 moves, and discovering the old frames hidden in the recesses of my mom’s house, I finally took these to a professional and had them matted and glassed in. I’ve been fantasizing about hanging these in my bedroom for FOREVER but I’m a champion procrastinator and just got around to it tonight.

I’m so pleased. Framed art is just so grown up, you know? Now I just gotta get a headboard and my bedroom will have graduated from post-collegiate budget rental to comfortable Craigslist chic!

Thanks for reading, if you got this far. It’s time for bed now, what do you say?

xoxo, Pamela

Changing Seasons

07 Sunday Oct 2012

Posted by Pamela in Girl Gone West

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Denver, existentialism, fun, musings, weekend

Perfect fall colors.

Although I was here (in Denver) for the changing of the seasons last year, somehow it all feels very new and fresh to me this time around. The colors are so vibrant, the temperature changes so drastic, and the sentimental feelings so poignant.

Something about this year has transformed me. I can see it in the distance between the girl I was this time last year and who I’ve become. I can see it in the increase of professional duties I’ve taken on at my job. I can see it in my perception of the world around me, a complicated mix of adult wisdom with childlike naivete rolled into one.

I woke up feeling discontent, which frequently happens on mornings I don’t have plans yet. It seems like such a waste, to have 48 beautiful hours of freedom away from my desk and email and project list, and then spend them piddling around the apartment, not really doing nothing but not really doing anything. Does cooking a few meals and dealing with a radiator flooding my bedroom (ugh) count as productivity?

In truth, it’s not been as bad as I’m making it out to be. I spent Friday night with a few of my coworkers partying away the stressful week at a Mos Def concert at Cervantes, which somehow led to a late-night feast at Pete’s Kitchen at like 3:00 in the morning. I literally can’t remember the last time I had late night munchies like that and indulged them. So good.

And yesterday I fought back frostbite on a frigid, snowy day at the Chipotle Cultivate Festival in City Park. It was a day festival complete with music, local beer, and artisan food, but unfortunately the weather just didn’t want to cooperate. In the most extreme weather shift I’ve ever experienced, it went from sunny, 80, and cloudless on Wednesday to snowy and frigid on Friday and Saturday. The high was like, 36.

Bundled up! (And an excuse to wear my new ski jacket!)

We did manage to enjoy ourselves with some delicious beers (new favorite!), free samples, and rockin’ tunes from Grouplove. 2 shows in 24 hours, boom. We were so frozen afterwards I couldn’t bring myself to venture back out into the cold for the night, so that’s when I decided to stay in and discovered my radiator was leaking puddles into my bedroom.

I’ve said this before, but generally life is so interesting and busy that I forget to enjoy the slow, solo days and instead berate myself for not being social. This is the biggest and probably worst change I’ve developed since moving out here. Back in Nashville, I spent quite a lot of time alone and enjoyed it immensely. I found it to be therapeutic, refreshing, and pleasurable. I sought it out.

My life is Denver is now so constantly and reliably packed with activity, excitement, and socializing that I think I’ve forgotten how to enjoy time alone. I used to tout the phrase “I’m my own best friend” as a source of pride, and now I really don’t feel that way anymore. Is that a bad thing? I’m not really sure.

I think this past year has been an ongoing demonstration of my ability to adapt, adjust, and change. I think it’s a huge source of frustration to me, feeling like those around me are already so set in their ways, so sure of their futures, so positive about their paths, while I’m still working out my course. I don’t particularly feel assured of who I am or who I’m going to be. I feel pliable and flexible and influenceable and moldable.

My boyfriend commented on this. His observation was that I became obsessed with Mumford & Sons after seeing them at my happy place, Red Rocks, for free with a vendor from work. The truth was that I was really indifferent to them before that night, but after witnessing them perform the best live show I’ve seen probably ever, I can’t stop listening. (The new album, Babel, has been on repeat.)

I guess I don’t know where this is going except into another quarter-life crisis existential musing that I seem so fraught with these days. Why don’t I have all the answers yet? Waaaah.

All I know is that at least there’s a cure: a long walk outside in the brisk air. Off to lace up my sneakers!

xoxo, Pamela

Follow “Girl Gone West”